TAKING RISKS:

By Shelley R. Probber, Psy.D.

We all know that taking risks is a big part of growth and change. If you never did anything for fear you would fail, you would likely miss a lot along the way. Choosing a new fitness goal is also a risk, for it pushes you to challenge yourself in ways you had not predicted. You really don't know what demons await you as you confront each new obstacle toward attaining your goal.

This year, I decided to challenge myself to complete a Half Ironman Triathlon. This is a 1.2-mile swim, a 56-mile bicycle ride and a 13.1-mile run. It is the longest distance triathlon I have ever attempted. About seven months ago when I decided to tackle this goal, it seemed reasonable. I had many months to train, and I already had a strong aerobic base. I'd already completed several shorter distance triathlons, and it seemed like the next logical step to move to the Half Ironman distance.

Training in the first several months seemed easy. I was focusing on technique in the swim and just going out for easy, long bicycle rides. Running was always my favorite, and it was easy to just go for a nice relaxing run. However, when the training got more intense, I was faced with a multitude of obstacles I hadn't expected. The obstacles were not, as one might predict, related to my physical limitations. Instead, I was confronted with challenges to my mental fortitude.

As my coach increased the intensity of my training, my workouts began to include more efforts at paces that I had not even tried to achieve in the past. Going for a track workout and trying to meet a particular pace for 400 and 800 repeats was not something I had ever before really tried to do. As my heart rate shot up and my breathing became labored, I was forced to ask myself how much I really wanted this goal. At times, when cycling for five hours in the heat of the South Texas summer, I have asked myself "Why?"

Each time I have asked myself this question, I have had to return to my original thoughts about why I wanted to challenge myself in the first place. My answer has always been the same: it's important to me to challenge myself physically and mentally and to have fun. If this remained true throughout the training, then I could push forward.

Of course, there were times when it really wasn't so much fun. There were times when I wanted to just forget the whole idea of a half Ironman triathlon and stick to what I know I can do. However, whenever I truly offered myself the option of quitting, I always felt disappointed and saddened that I would not get the opportunity to see if I really could achieve this goal.

At one point, I complained to my coach that I was unable to meet the demands of the times or distances she was asking me to complete in my workouts.

"This is really difficult, I'm not sure I can do this," I complained.

"Oh," she replied, "Would you like for me to back off the intensity? I thought you wanted to get faster." Faced with that choice, I chose to continue. Yes, I could stay in my comfort zone and just swim slowly, pedal easy and run ploddingly along, but I did want to become a more efficient swimmer. I did want to be a better cyclist, and I sure wanted to be a faster runner.

Along the way in my training, I completed several smaller races as practice for the big race and to give myself the opportunity to practice experiencing the sorts of feelings that only occur in races. No matter how much I swim with a group or on my own, there is nothing to compare with that feeling of being on the shore waiting to enter the water in a triathlon. Nothing can prepare you for the rush of anxiety in the water when hundreds of arms and legs are kicking around you.

Regardless of how many times I ride my bicycle for miles and miles, there is no substitute for the experience of riding along and having someone pass me without my becoming discouraged. Learning to stay out of other riders' drafting zones, practicing taking in nutrition on the bike, while also focusing on the ride, is something that can only be done in a race situation.

For me, the most difficult challenge was the run. Of course, it is the most physically demanding of the three sports. Additionally, by the time you reach the run, you are tired, and it is even hotter than at the beginning of the race. However, nothing prepared me for the mental demons that I created when I reached the run. I was unprepared for the negative voice inside me that mocked my efforts. This forced me to learn mental strategies for relaxation and focus so that I could calm myself down, regain my confidence and continue to move forward.

Ultimately, you don't get to have these rewards without putting in your dues. Just as in most things in life, you must tackle the challenges; push yourself a bit further than you might otherwise in order to get something special. Completing this goal will be something special.

Shelley Probber is a licensed psychologist in private practice in San Antonio. Her practice encompasses children and adults, with a focus on athletes.