Attracting Genuine Love

Mar 12, 2006 | March 2006, Mind & Body

Bring a loving and desirable partner into your life.

By Chris Lucerne, PCC

“The risk it takes to remain tight inside the bud is more painful than the risk it takes to blossom. We don’t see things as they are; we see them as we are.” – Anais Nin

If we explored our deepest longings, we would discover that most of us yearn to be in a committed loving relationship with our ideal mate. Is it possible? Inspiring role models to show us how to be in a conscious loving relationship are rare these days, so it is understandable that we might be skeptical that a loving relationship can even exist. However, you can attract genuine love by being willing to transform your internal world.

Remember: You are 100 percent the source of your reality. You have created the life you are now experiencing, so you can change your strategy and attract genuine love. There are several factors involved in making that happen.

Claim your unconscious commitments
You might say that you are committed to being in a loving relationship; yet, based on results, what you seem to do is hop from relationship to relationship. The unconscious commitment is always equal to the result you are producing, so really you’re just committed to relationship-hopping and not to being in a loving relationship. Once you claim your unconscious commitment and fully de-energize it, you will then have the power to do something about it. Until you claim it, you cannot change it.

Overcome your fear of being in relationship
Most likely, you have been hurt before or at least seen many examples of dreadful relationships. Of course, you might have some fear about being in relationship yourself. Until you can handle this fear, by claiming it, feeling it, loving it and uncovering all that it means to you, the fear will have control of you and keep you out of a loving relationship.

Embody a healthy definition of love
Do you know what healthy love is? Most people have their definition of love tangled up with the behavior they observed from role models they had early in life. Dr. Barbara De Angelis describes this as the “Going Home Syndrome,” and it looks like this: If A = B, and B = C, then A = C. Which means, if Love = Home, and Home = Chaos, then Love = Chaos, or if Love = Home, and Home = Arguing, then Love = Arguing; if Love = Home, and Home = Abuse, then Love = Abuse.
Until you have fully brought forth your equations and beliefs around love and relationships from your subconscious mind, you are likely to recreate exactly what you experienced in your early childhood.

Learn to fully love yourself
People who do not love themselves tend to attract other people who do not love themselves. If you wish to attract a loving mate, it is imperative that you learn to love yourself. Stop all forms of negative self talk: criticism, self-judgment and self-loathing. Learn to honor, respect and appreciate all aspects of you: your mind, body and spirit.

Employ the dynamic law of magnetic attraction
This law is constantly working in your life, attracting to you people and situations that will participate in the reality that you are creating. This reality is a reflection of your internal world of beliefs held at both the conscious and subconscious level. So, you can use this law to create what you really want in life, or you can ignore that it is operating in your life and just take whatever comes.

Design your next relationship with your ideal mate
It is easy to know what you don’t want in relationship. It is essential to know what you do want. What are your “absolute yeses and absolute noes” when it comes to what you are looking for in a partner? Are you looking for a mate that is your equal–one who is in alignment with your values and deepest sense of integrity?

There is much to learn and explore about attracting genuine love. If you are serious about being in a conscious loving relationship, then get ready for an awesome adventure. While it is not an overnight journey, it is worth every piece of effort you put into it. I invite you to take this journey and thereby add a kind of richness to your life that cannot be replicated by any other life experience.

If you would like more information on this subject, please visit the events page of my Web site ( to learn about an upcoming free presentation in conjunction with Borders Books and Music. Also, visit the resource page of my Web site for a free tool called “Loving Yourself, The Journey That Matters.”

Chris Lucerne is a professional certified coach. Using a body-centered approach, she specializes in two areas:
supporting clients to build relationships that matter, to go beyond loss and embrace life.

Note: This article is inspired by the book Attracting Genuine Love by Drs. Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks, and the book How to Make Love All of the Time, by Dr. Barbara De Angelis

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