Who or what is in control of your life?
By Chris Lucerne, PCC
Success means different things to different people. Traditionally, success has been viewed through the lens of accomplishment, acquisition and lifestyle. In other words, we know we are successful by how much money we have and what we achieve in our business and personal lives. We define success by what we have acquired, such as our homes, vehicles and a host of trinkets and toys. We define success by the lifestyle we have created, which includes such things such as travel, pleasure and health. Because this has been our definition, becoming successful has a tendency to be “goal related” and, in that, success can often be seen as something to be found off in the future and to be very dependent on external circumstances and other people. It also can be fleeting; for once we have achieved success, we set a new goal, and the carrot is once again put in front of us. So experiencing an ongoing feeling of success can be difficult if not impossible.
What if we approached defining success in a different way, a way in which we could experience it right now and have it all of the time? Here is a method to do just that! Fill in the blanks of the following sentence:
“I know I am being successful by how ___________ (quantity or quality, i.e. how much, how often, how easily, how completely) I _____________.”
Example: In your professional life, being well prepared and mentally clear might be very important to you. Consequently, your “Successful Now” statement would read, “I know I am being successful by how often I am well prepared and have sharp mental clarity.” While this statement may seem shallow, it actually will require a great deal from you. In order to experience this definition of success, the following is likely to be involved.
Being well prepared requires thoroughly thinking through and finishing all tasks related to whatever you’ve committed. It requires connecting with more than your intellectual mind. You must also connect with your intuition and emotions, and you must allow your whole self to be prepared. It requires being ready, well in advance, so that you have a reserve of time and are not rushing into situations.
Sharp mental clarity involves extreme self-care, including exercise, so that you have plenty of energy. It requires eating healthful foods, drinking lots of water, breathing correctly, getting plenty of relaxation and sleep and regularly meditating so that you feel connected.
While in life you will still work toward goals related to achievement, acquisition and lifestyle, being successful now definitely makes goal achievement an easier and much more satisfying journey.
You have the choice of how you define success. You can simply adopt someone else’s definition, or you can take the time to create your own. I highly recommend that you do the latter. If you choose to use the “successful now” method, here are the steps you will take:
Come up with at least three (and no more than seven) statements about how you know you are being successful right now. For example: I know I am being successful by how _________ (quantity or quality, i.e. how much, how often, how easily, how completely) I _________.
What do you do, or what ways of being do you have that define your success? Consider the following aspects of your life. Who, or how, are you in . . .
• your relationships with family, friends, business associates, community, and your relationship with yourself?
• your work or career?
• caring for your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well-being?
• your fun and leisure time?
• your community contribution or volunteer work?
• the way you care for your physical environment (home, work, vehicle)?
• handling your finances?
To be Successful NOW, your statement must:
• be attainable now or at least be very quickly attainable
• not be contingent on external factors
• not be dependent on other people
• be completely within your control
• bring a sense of peace and joy.
Defining success in this way will give you many benefits, such as:
• the power to feel successful on an on-going basis
• building your own self-efficacy (self-esteem, self-care, and more fully trusting and loving toward yourself)
• having integrity within yourself
• personalizing and empowering your values, which leads to happiness
• support in more easily achieving your goals.
I encourage you to experiment with this style of defining success. You have nothing to lose, and you just might find yourself quite frequently feeling successful, if not every day. Using this definition can be a profound way of loving yourself.
NOTE: This article was inspired by the late Thomas Leonard, who was known as the founder of coaching. Thank you, Thomas, for your brilliance and your vision. We miss your inspiring presence.
Chris Lucerne is a professional, certified coach. Using a body-mind centered approach, she specializes in two areas: supporting clients to build relationships that matter, and to go beyond loss and embrace life.
Visit her Website at www.ChrisLucerne.com or call her (210) 408-7699.
