Exploding the Self-Discipline Myth
By Chris Lucerne, PCC
Extreme value and great emphasis is placed on the quality of self-discipline as it relates to getting what you want in life, and self-discipline requires having a strong will.
Highly prized in our culture are those people who demonstrate this quality. However, one’s will, which is powered by the hard, effort-requiring energy of striving and pushing, often imposes the sacrifice of health, relationships and true happiness to satisfy its goals. Yet, there is another way! Instead of being powered by the stressful energy of will, consider being powered by the easy energy of willingness.
Distinction between will and willingness
Will is infused with the hard energy of effort, striving, pushing, sacrificing and achieving the goal, no matter what stands in your way or what price you have to pay. Often, “will” has a myopic quality to it. The foundation for this tunnel vision is often fear and comes out of your personas. Personas are the parts of you that are working desperately for the love and approval of others and even for the love and approval of yourself.
Willingness is infused with the soft energy of ease, flow, desire, enthusiasm and effortless motivation. Goals powered by willingness tend to come out of an expanded vision. The foundation for this expanded vision is love and comes from your “authentic self,” who you are at the core – the highest part of you that is always looking out for your best interests.
You have a choice of which energy you will use to create your life. Take a few moments to assess your current endeavors and how you go about achieving your goals. Identify two or three things in your life you are working toward. Perhaps you are going to purchase a new car or a new home, change a career, achieve your fitness goals, find your ideal mate or improve a relationship. Whatever it is, review the following statements and determine which energy you are using.
Are you being powered by the energy of will?
• You “crack the whip” and try to motivate yourself through self-criticism or self-judgment.
• Your efforts require great energy, pushing yourself to take action.
• You experience negative self-talk around your efforts.
• Your striving is at the expense of your health, your relationships with others and/or your relationship with yourself.
• You are you unhappy much of the time.
• You are obsessed and locked into narrow thinking.
• You are unaware of your deep underlying reasons for wanting to achieve the goal.
• You sometimes wonder why you are working toward your goal or if you even still want it.
• Your goal comes from a place of fear.
Are you being powered by the energy of willingness?
• You are enthusiastic and naturally motivated to take action.
• Your efforts are pleasurable, easy, and flowing.
• You treat yourself in a loving and nurturing way, including loving self-talk.
• You are able to move toward your goal while nurturing your relationships, taking great care of yourself and maintaining balance in your life.
• You are happy most of the time.
• You have an expanded view of life and an outlook that is bursting with possibility.
• You have a deep awareness of the underlying reasons for wanting your goal, and those reasons support your overall life plan.
• Your goal comes from a place of love.
Shifting from being powered by will to being powered by willingness
Carve out at least 30 minutes of alone time. With paper and pen in hand, get quiet, go deep within yourself and answer the questions below. After asking each question, allow silence to bring forth the answer. Tune into your whole self (your mind, body, emotions and spirit) for the answers. You might repeat the questions several times before you get answers. When you get your answers, write them down, allowing yourself to journal in an effortless, uncensored and flowing way.
• What do I think I am going to get when I achieve this goal?
• Is that the truth?
• Do I really have control over the outcome?
• What are my underlying reasons for wanting this goal?
• Is my goal coming from the energy of fear or the energy of love?
• What am I sacrificing?
• How am I treating myself?
• What do I really want?
You might discover:
• You don’t really want the goal: You find that you actually want something else. If so, refer to the above distinction on willingness and the guidelines for being powered by the energy of willingness. Make your plans to move forward using this information.
• You still desire your goal but want to shift to being powered by willingness.
If that is the case, ask these questions:
• How can I restate my goal so that it comes from a place of love instead of fear?
• What must happen for me to shift from the energy of will to the energy of willingness?
• What do I need to get rid of, add or change?
• What do I need to start doing or stop doing?
• What would support me in my efforts?
• Who can support me in making this shift?
Should you find that the answers do not immediately come to you, I invite you to visit the Resource page of my Website (www.chrislucerne.com) and read the article on “The Lost Art of Wonder: Going Beyond the Intellect for the Answers.”
I wish you the very best with this activity. What I want for you is life that takes place in the realm of ease, flow and happiness. You have the power to create just that!
Chris Lucerne is a professional certified coach. Using a body-mind centered approach, she specializes in two areas: supporting clients to build relationships that matter, and to go beyond loss and embrace life.
